My Little Way

“Holiness consists simply in doing God’s will, and being just what God wants us to be.”- St. Therese of Lisieux

Ever since I was 15, I knew I wanted to be a physical therapist. I spent hours at different clinics getting my showing hours, I tried to take classes that would focus on that subject area, and all of the colleges I picked to tour were based solely on the fact that they had a PT program. Everything was based on this idea that I wanted to become a physical therapist. People then started to associate me with physical therapy and it almost became part of my identity. Freshman year of college was amazing because I finally got to take classes that were part of my major and I felt like I was getting one step closer to physical therapy school. I still loved my classes, the major, and still had that dream of going to PT school.

Over time, I started to feel more and more of a disconnect with that dream, and classes seemed like a chore and I wasn’t getting that same excitement as I used to when I talked or thought about physical therapy, but I just shook it off and figured it was just the “sophomore slump.” However, this past semester, I just broke down. I would sit in my classes thinking, “why am I even here,” and couldn’t stop thinking of how much I hated what I was doing. I realized I was only doing this because it was the only thing I knew. I felt trapped in this never ending cycle of science classes and exercise science material and I did NOT want any part of it anymore. I felt so stuck because this was all I knew since I was 15 and kept thinking, “what now?” and “if this isn’t me anymore, what is?” I felt like I lost part of myself, and I had no idea who I was anymore. Reading back, it sounds like this was all in my past and that I did something about all of this, but in reality, I’m still stuck. I’ve finally realized that I don’t have to do something just because others expect it from me, and that I am capable to doing so many other things.

What is God’s Will for me now that I’m not doing what I had set to do for so long? One of my favorite quotes is, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” God knows what desires are on our hearts and he knows what we’re called to do, even when we don’t. The only thing I know that I want to do with my life is to be holy. When we’re holy, we are being exactly who God wants us to be. If you’re in the same boat as me, not knowing what you want to do with your life, all you have to focus on is being holy. You may not know what your vocation is yet, but your vocation now is to be holy and a child of God. So yeah, I have no idea what I want to do with my life anymore, but I’ll let you know as soon as I find out.